Invisible – NOT CYBER – Bullying in the School: Part III – The School Bus and the Classroom

This is the third in a series of three articles related to Invisible Bullying. We refer to it as invisible because it is happening virtually within 25 feet or less from adult supervision and it is going completely unrecognized because the supervisors are often on a completely different “wavelength” from the students they are supervising. Like the adults in the Charlie Brown specials, they are invisible to the students and speak a different language.

We refer to this as Decontextualized Supervision, and although it can prevent seriously bodily harm and make sure people get outside in a natural disaster and maintain general law and order, it does nothing to assist the victims of bullying during the school day. We spoke in Part I of the bullying that occurs in plain sight in the school hallways. Teachers, before you punish a child who is continually late to class automatically, will you please look at that child and ask yourself if this person looks like a person intent on beating the system or one who someone intends to beat on. If you are not sure, err on the side of caution and begin with the assumption that the child is purposely taking the long way to avoid hallway bullies that he or she dreads having to pass each day- because they are really lurking out there- even if you don’t see them.

In the cafeteria, what do you surmise when a kid shows you his new Social Studies Book with a piece of pizza smooshed in the middle? If there are kids that always go to help the librarian instead of going to lunch, does anyone ask the child why?

More children than you would think dread walking in the hallways and going to the cafeteria because of the constant abuse. Yet, for us adults, most of the time we glance into the cafeterias or down the hallway, and everything looks fine to us, except for perhaps a little too much noise. Which group- the kids or the adults have a mistaken impression? Which group of people is out of touch with the realities of the situation? Which group is working with no contextual backdrop? As a supervisor of students, what skills have you developed beyond making comments like, “Keep it down you people, or else!” “If I have to come down there you aren’t going to like it!”and, “I want the both of you to knock it off or you will be seeing me for detention for the next week!” When you said that last one, was it really an even battle, or might someone be the constant perpetrator?

So, we have spoken about the hallways and the cafeteria as being dreaded places for many young people. Next we will talk about the school bus, and this of course, includes getting on and off the school bus at the beginning of each day- another big reason for latenesses to school- an effort to avoid the gauntlet!

The law asserts that the school is responsible for each student who is transported to school from the time they leave their house in the morning till they return. That, of course, is ridiculous because we have enough to worry about in the building and since administrators are not really like the assistant principal in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off- running all over town chasing people like idiots, to expect the school to police someone’s street for the thugs that dwell there is very unrealistic. That being said, once again the bullies are at work at the bus stop in the morning terrorizing the weakest kids. Is anyone surprised that most new Elementary & Secondary schools are being built with pick-up lanes and older buildings have changed the traffic patterns in the parking lot for the cars of parents who drop off and pick up their children each day? 15 years ago, kids either walked to school or rode the bus, with very few parent pick-ups Overprotective? Tell it to the parents of children undergoing this terror every day. Additionally, even the students who are not bothered have learned early on to keep their mouths shut lest they be next on some bully’s “Hit list”.

An additional problem is that, in a school district where the population is sparse, there is only one bus run and all the schools in the district start and end at the same time. This means that your kindergarten child is on the bus every day with high school students, hearing all of the jokes, the verbal and physical abuse, and maybe even providing the bullies with additional easy targets for money, pencils, pens, markers, as well as abuse.

Another problem that nobody grasps is that almost all school districts, in an effort to contract out for everything including teachers, have done away with their busses and hired an independent contractor. The job of bus driver now is taken by someone happy to work part time and with no idea about discipline codes of the school and the disciplinary process. We recall one situation where a bus driver blared a radio the entire ride to and from school with religious music. Another driver curses and swears at the kids who are experts at getting an untrained adult to “take the bait” and lose their temper. In a school bus, people are hit, kicked, spat upon, verbally, assaulted, groped, propositioned, denied seats, their books and belongings are tampered with, they are tripped, the abuse folks, is endless. Occasionally you can see a story of a parent who, fed up with the school’s process, takes matters into her own hands and enters the bus to confront the bullies. Attention you professionals- this is real stuff- we aren’t making it up, and it is torture every day for children that nobody in the school ever hears about, and the driver cannot be expected to see since his or her eyes are on the road. Occasionally, an untrained bus driver will try to set up some kind of specific seating, and often they operate, like the supervisors in the school, with incomplete knowledge of who the culprits really are or they completely ignore the bullies in the hopes that nothing big will happen that day. The truth is, nothing actually noticeable ever happens when a adult watches, yet a girl could still be having lewd remarks about oral sex whispered in her ear, or a kid could be getting touched in some inappropriate way or having someone tamper with their violin, and no adult can see it and no one dares talk about it. The students law of Omerta- is even more iron clad than the Mafia.

I bet you think this is all exaggerated- I mean, really, it can’t be that bad can it? After all, I work in an upper middle class place that fancies itself to be like a private school. Please, we implore you school people, make friends with the students who operate on the dark side. They will enlighten you as to the goings on in their world that you don’t see even if you are looking in the right direction. Well-to-do students can be as cruel and heartless and, in our experience, often even more so than their less fortunate counterparts- and the parents of these children are much quicker to threaten bringing in the “dream team” of lawyers as opposed to working with the school to improve their child’s behavior.

Now we switch to the classroom where one would think that law and order and the prevention of bullying would be the easiest to accomplish because there is a confined area with a teacher watching. Here are some examples of how children can be bullied in plain sight right in the classroom. I take you back to 1965. We are in the band room of a suburban high school where the morning rehearsal is taking place. A very overweight Japanese boy was the tuba player. At least twice a week, the bullies, of which the writer was at least an encouragement to the bullies would have him kicked out of band practice for passing gas out loud during the rehearsal. When the loud gas-passing sound occurred, everyone in the section would get up and walk away yelling, ” Ugh, Benny (his nickname) that’s disgusting”, “I’m not sitting near him”, “he’s a pig”, etc. This would happen during a pause in the playing and the band director’s attention was diverted. The band director, ever the willing dupe, went for the frame up and would angrily toss Benny out of the rehearsal. The problem was, Benny was not passing gas- one of his tormentors was making the gas passing sound, and when it was made, everyone in the section joined in the collective disgust at “Benny” passing gas. In an assembly, when there was a lull in a speech being given by the principal about patriotism, this writer, seated halfway back in the middle of a row, got up to use the lavatory. A “friend” yelled out, “This is boring, I’m Leaving!!! Everyone in the auditorium immediately looked at me and I stood there trying to tell nobody in particular that it wasn’t me who said that. I got detention for a week and worse, of course, since it was still the sixties, even more when I got home.

That is one kind of dilemma. Here’s the next one. A student punches another student in class or pushes his books off the desk for example. The victim, tired of the constant abuse that has been going on every day decides to confront the bully. The teacher turns around from writing on the board, sees the victim standing up in front of the bully in a confrontational pose and immediately sends the victim to the office for his/her aggressive behavior. Do you know your students? After the first few days, any experienced teacher already knows, either by sight, or through the grapevine, which student requires constant scrutiny. When the bully is sitting there looking innocent and a non bully is striking an aggressive pose, do you think that might be a good time- or perhaps after class, to delve into the story with greater intellectual curiosity? The bullies, friends, know the precise moment to strike. As a teacher, do you pay attention to who is going to the lavatory and the time the person always goes? You are right, it’s an impossibility for the most part. Know that abuse is occurring in the lavatory constantly. Creating a process which disturbs the process of the bullies is a good thing, but a teacher must be aware of the context. False equivalency where both parties are told essentially to “sit down and shut up- both of you!” is hurtful to the one who was not doing anything in the first place, but it does bring order, if not justice, to the classroom. Call some Moms and invite them in to sit with their child throughout the class. When the grapevine learns of what you did, most people will stop their devious actions because the shame of one’s Mother sitting in class next to him or her will be a sufficient deterrent.

How about the locker room? How about students paying another student money to snap a picture of someone in the locker room changing clothes and having it go viral? Tampering with one’s clothing and belongings, stealing, physical abuse, verbal abuse is occurring all the time in the locker room and the teacher is generally sitting in his or her office or waiting for the students in the gym. Yes, we realize that the school district refuses to hire anyone past a half day because then they have to give the person benefits, but if there is any place that needs constant watching it is the locker room. Do you have any idea how many students never dress for gym in the high school, choosing instead to take an F and then take Physical Education in summer school where they are required to, for example, walk around the building each day or swim, or go bowling?

Finally, you have all heard the adage, usually said in jest that, “You just can’t find good help anymore!” Well that adage is true in the world of substitute teachers. Most schools cannot find enough trained teachers to serve as substitute teachers. We have seen substitutes actually sleeping in class and others who smell as though they have never showered. Most commonly, however, the substitute teacher seldom, if ever is actually certified in the area of the person he or she is replacing. Now you have a situation like this… A student who strikes another student is seen by the substitute teacher who asks, “What is your name young man?” “Joe Smith!” answers the student.

Bullies love substitute teachers because to begin with, they don’t know anybody’s name. Add to this the fact that the new teachers we see today are different than the old timers who saved up every day so when it came time to retire, the retiring teacher could collect full pay for a year or more. Today’s teacher misses school for the slightest reason without any regard for 30 years from now. The result- infinitely more days with substitute teachers coming in when they can be found.

The week after Thanksgiving is Christmas shopping week, for example- don’t look for a full staff in that week! When substitutes can’t be found the regular staff is asked to watch the class during their duty free period or whole classes are sent to the auditorium where adults who would rather be somewhere else are assigned the task of watching the students during a duty-free period. Check the floor of the auditorium after a couple of mass coverage classes… that will give you some idea about the passion that the supervisor is bringing to the task at hand.

In summary we make these assertions and offer these admonitions.

  1. Most of the bullying that occurs in schools occurs in plain sight and goes unperceived by adults because the adults cannot conceive of such a thing happening in such a place. They approach their responsibility with no grasp of context. They are good at keeping the noise down. No justice can be expected here for the victims. The greatest plans by mental health professional and counselors are doomed to failure without a grasp by the adults of the world in which a student operates.
  2. There is no actual safe place in the school from a bully. The busier the place the better. Bullies need to experience some discomfort and disruption of their process. Be creative. Get Mom in there to walk next to Junior all day for starters. Machiavelli would have referred to this as a “Signal Example”- the effect of which is to deter future bullies- it’s the reason that the law considers punitive or exemplary damages- to send a message to future would-be wrongdoers.
  3. Take a close look at students who frequently miss school, are late for school or class, never dress for gym, or never go to the cafeteria because they want to help a teacher. Do all of these people really look like trouble makers trying to beat the system thus deserving of letter- of- the- law school discipline or do they give off a different message?
  4. Have a meeting in August with all bus drivers to explain to them how the disciplinary process works so there might be a shred of consistency between this disparate group of individuals, most of whom think school discipline would be no problem if the administrators would just “kick a little more butt.” Nobody told them that this kind of punishment is generally against the law- and educators do not make the law- politicians do- educators just try to carry out the law.
  5. Have incentives for teachers who do not miss any school days. At least they know the names of the students. The bullies hate that!
  6. Take the time to develop a working relationship with students who are usually on the wrong side of the discipline code. Many of them are dying to talk to an adult about what is going on but no one has ever taken the time. The police ALWAYS have their informants who operate under cover. Have incentives for these individuals too. The effect will be to disrupt the plans of the Bully. You will know, for example, when someone has brought a weapon to school. In one district, we excelled at this. Kids were always coming in early to tell us things. They became very caring too and would alert you if a certain student looked “strange” that day and could be on drugs, or drunk, for example.

We guarantee that you will be amazed at what you, the adult, did NOT know about what was really going on- even if it was hiding in plain sight. Bullying is never going to go away. Schools are a microcosm of the society we live in. How civil is that society these days? A look at the embarrassing behavior of our elected officials should provide you with some clue as to how fast bullying will disappear. Creativity, perseverance, and awareness are crucial to making any changes in the status quo- get some parents and kids on your side as well.

Fantasy Lingerie Costumes – It’s All About the School Girl

It’s that time of year again to start thinking about costume parties. If you’re still thinking about what you should wear this year, then may I suggest trying out a school girl costume? It is after all in the top 10 most popular fantasy lingerie costumes. The school girl costume is a great way to deviate yourself from the sea of sexy witches and devils that will be roaming the streets this Halloween. How about trying something different and wearing a sexier version of the school girl costumes? After all, there are a variety of school girl styles ranging from the nerdy styles, to the cute ones, to scary ones like the zombie school girl If you’re feeling daring this year, then the sexy school girl is perfect for you!

So what is it about the school girl costume that is so appealing to people, especially the guys? Well, some people say that it is popular because the lingerie costume lends a different attitude to the wearer; allowing her to portray a character other than their own persona. Dressing up in something like a school girl costume helps you to embrace personalities far different from your own.

But besides the sexy school girl costume there is also the cute school girl which pretty much brings back memories from the past, especially with memories of wearing pigtails. Another is the nerdy school girl costume, though often over looked, is also among the favorites of the more “comedic” female groups. Nerdy school girl costumes are very amusing and very refreshing from the many “sex kitten” costumes that come out every Halloween. But if you’re more into the macabre, then perhaps the zombie school girl would be your perfect fit. Often designed after the Japanese dead school girl films, it truly is very creepy when first seen. There is also a gothic school girl costume for those of you who love to wear black.

So how does one recreate a school girl look? Just follow the simple steps below and you will be well on your way to creating your perfect school girl costume.

You will need:

  • A couple of ponytail holders
  • Comfortable shoes or boots (I recommend wearing heels with the sexy school girl costume)
  • Pleated, plaid skirt (can be short or long)
  • White or argyle knee high socks
  • White men’s button down shirt or a very short and tight women’s top
  • Some bubble gum (preferably pink)
  • 1 band aid
  • Accessories such as a book or glasses

Step 1 is to part your hair evenly in the middle and tie each side into a ponytail.

Step 2 is to put on very minimal make up (if you’re going for a more innocent look) or if you’re going for the sexier version, try some red lipstick and heavy eye liner.

Step 3 put on the costume clothes and shoes.

Step 4 is optional but it could be a fun addition. Place the band aid on your knee or fore head to fake a scratch or cut. Remember all the school yard rumbles? Yes, you were part of it.

Step 5 start chewing on the bubble gum. Blow some bubbles to add to the effect.

So there you have it, some options for the school girl costume that you can try this coming Halloween. It’s always great to try something different, especially if you want to stand out at your Halloween party this year.

Japanese Fashion and Children – How They Match

If you’re familiar with Japanese culture, you may have a hard time reconciling the fact that Japanese fashion and kid’s clothing can match perfectly. Most Japanese fashion styles originated from cultural, economic, and even historical factors and deviances. Surely, these are things parents should not incorporate in kid’s clothing. Japanese clothes can be loud, flamboyant, and revealing.

However, when it comes to Japanese kid’s clothing, these factors do not apply. The more unorthodox styles such as Japanese street styles, Ganguro, Lolita, and Visual Kei do not appear in Japanese kid’s clothing as is, although their characteristics influence some of the children’s clothes of Japan-for the better.

For instance, there’s Ganguro, the style wherein girls wear school uniform-like clothes. On teenagers, this may seem unusual and even inappropriate. This fashion statement may have stemmed as a take on the Westerner’s perception of Japanese girls through Japanese animation (where the characters are always in school uniform).

But for kid’s clothing, it can be cute and adorable. Imagine a straight navy blue dress with its hem touching the girl’s knee and with a sailor collar with a white stripe for emphasis. It’s simple kid’s clothing that can be used for several occasions-and it is authentically Japanese.

Another unique Japanese fashion style is the Lolita style, named after the controversial novel by Vladimir Nabokov. If you know your literature, you’d have an idea why this may not be the best idea for kid’s clothing. For Japanese kid’s clothing, however, it does the opposite effect. This style for children’s clothing still has a slight influence from the Victorian era. But by changing the patterns from dark and mature to mellow and colorful, it becomes an extremely appropriate kid’s clothing piece.

Japanese kid’s clothing is extremely unique. A usual attire for boy toddlers in Japan include a colorful scarf and colorful rubber shoes, a cap or a bonnet, jean shorts, and a shirt with an extremely creative design. These are simple descriptions-but once you see the actual ensemble, you’d know how it is different from anything you’d see from native fashion styles.

A common factor in Japanese kid’s clothing is its youthfulness and its creativity. The likes of young celebrities such as Suri Cruise, for instance, dress like adults with their penchant from designer brands. While this style isn’t wrong, it makes a child look like a miniature adult. Japanese kid’s clothing aspires for the opposite. It celebrates youth by using patterns, designs, and styles that complement the age of the wearer.

It should be noted that while a lot of the adult Japanese fashion styles are somewhat provocative, the Japanese culture in general actually cultivates timid, quiet, and shy people. These characteristics can actually be seen in the usual attire of the Japanese. The kid’s clothing of Japan that people see in the country is actually a combination of the bold and creative style of the youth and the conservative leanings of the adults. The result is a children’s apparel that is neither inappropriate nor boring.